Have you ever had someone smile at you, say all the right words, and you just knew they didn’t mean a bit of it? Paul has something to say about that kind of love. His message is simple but challenging: let it be real.
Romans 12:9-10 lays it out clearly: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil and hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection and outdo one another in showing honor.” – Romans 12:9-10
Paul wrote these words to a church he had never visited. He had never walked through the doors in Rome, never sat with the congregation. But he knew they were in a difficult situation, and he knew exactly what they needed to hear.
The church in Rome was made up of both Jews and Gentiles, and they did not agree on how to live out their faith. At one point, the Emperor had expelled the Jews from Rome entirely. While they were gone, the church kept growing, filled now with Gentile believers. When the Jews were eventually allowed to return, they came back with expectations. They said the Gentiles needed to be circumcised and follow kosher laws. The Gentiles, who had been enjoying their freedom in Christ, pushed back hard.
You can imagine how difficult it would be to genuinely love each other in a room like that.
Paul’s first instruction is straightforward: let your love be real. Not a polite “bless your heart.” Not a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. Genuine love.
When love isn’t real, people sense it. Trust breaks down. Relationships become awkward and hollow. Everyone starts wondering what the other person actually thinks.
Paul’s answer to this problem is to treat each other like family. “Love one another with brotherly affection.” – Romans 12:10
When you start seeing someone as your brother or sister in Christ, something shifts in your heart. They stop being the opposition. They become family.
Paul then moves into something that actually makes loving people easier. He says to abhor what is evil. To abhor something means you are steadfastly against it. The very sight or mention of it gets a reaction out of you because of how deeply opposed to it you are.
This matters for the church. It is easy to get soft on real sin while fighting hard over things that simply do not matter. A kosher diet does not make anyone more holy. But standing against genuine compromise, idolatry, and immorality has a real impact on the health of a church community.
When believers are clear about what God’s Word calls evil and hold firmly to what God calls good, it actually frees them to love each other better. Instead of fighting each other, they can stand together.
So what do you do when you are struggling to love someone? Paul gives a practical starting point: show them honor.
To honor someone means recognizing who they are in Christ and choosing to give them preference over yourself. Paul told the Philippians the same thing: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3
Jesus put it simply as well: do to others what you would have them do to you.
Here is what happens when you start honoring people, even the difficult ones. Your love for them stops being an act. It becomes real.
The tension in the Roman church is not so different from what many churches experience today. People come from different backgrounds, different traditions, and different convictions. Disagreements arise. Preferences clash. And it becomes tempting to put on a polite face while keeping your distance.
But Paul’s call is higher than that. He is not asking for tolerance or civility. He is asking for the kind of love that sees another person as family, that honors them above yourself, and that is rooted in a shared commitment to what is genuinely good.
That kind of love does not come naturally. It requires intention, humility, and a willingness to ask God to change how you see people.
This week, think of one person you have been struggling to love. Ask the Lord to help you see them as family, as a brother or sister in Christ rather than an obstacle or an opponent. Then find one specific, concrete way to honor them before the week is over.
As you do, pay attention to what happens in your own heart. You may find that the act of honoring someone begins to soften something in you that you did not expect.
Ask yourself these questions as you reflect:
Let your love be real. That is the challenge and the call.
