Think of the one person who hurt you the most. Their name probably came to mind immediately. Now imagine saying these three words about them: ‘Father, Forgive them.’ That is exactly what Jesus said from the cross. Understanding why He spoke it might finally set you free.
What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is one of the toughest things we’ll ever have to do as human beings. It means setting aside your pain and your pride, stopping yourself from judging the other person, and letting them off the hook even when every part of you wants justice.
But forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues we can develop as Christians, especially in the early stages of our walk with God. Learning to forgive isn’t optional. It isn’t extra credit. It’s essential to our spiritual growth.
And nobody shows us that better than Jesus Christ.
What Happened at the Cross? (Luke 23:32-34)
Here is the passage that puts everything into perspective:
“Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ And they cast lots to divide his garments.” – Luke 23:32-34 English Standard Version (ESV)
Picture what was happening in that moment. Jesus had been betrayed by a close friend, abandoned by His disciples, falsely accused, beaten, mocked, and whipped. He was hanging on a cross between two criminals while soldiers gambled for His clothes at His feet.
If that were any of us, anger or complete defeat would be completely understandable. But Jesus responded to all of it with “Father, forgive them.”
Why Did Jesus Ask God to Forgive the People Who Crucified Him?
Jesus saw the big picture in a way that most people standing at that cross simply could not. He understood that many of the people around Him were either following orders or had been persuaded by others. They did not realize the Son of God was right in front of them.
The prophecy of Isaiah 53 was being fulfilled before their eyes, and they had no idea. That’s exactly what Jesus acknowledged when He said, “they know not what they do.”
He wasn’t excusing what was happening. He was recognizing the spiritual blindness behind it, and He chose grace anyway.
Why Is Forgiveness So Hard for Us?
Getting past the pain of being hurt and then extending grace to the person who caused it is genuinely difficult. For many people, it feels completely out of reach.
But here’s something worth sitting with: forgiveness comes down to focus.
- Are you going to dwell on your hurt and your feelings?
- Or are you going to look ahead at the freedom waiting for you on the other side?
Focusing on your pain keeps you anchored in the past. Forgiving the other person helps you move forward into the life God has for you.
What Happens When You Stay Stuck in Unforgiveness?
When you’re first hurt, you’ll likely have people around you. Friends who listen, people who take your side, others who are angry right along with you. But eventually, those people move on with their own lives.
If you haven’t moved on too, you’ll end up alone and stuck in a moment that everyone else has already left behind. That’s not the life Jesus died to give you.
Unforgiveness doesn’t punish the person who hurt you. It punishes you. It keeps you chained to something that already happened, while the other person may have moved on entirely.
Does Forgiving Someone Mean What They Did Was Okay?
This is one of the most common misunderstandings about forgiveness, and it’s worth addressing directly.
Forgiving someone does not mean what they did was acceptable. It does not mean you’re pretending the hurt didn’t happen or that there are no consequences for their actions.
Forgiveness means you are refusing to be chained to what was done to you any longer. It’s a decision you make for your own freedom, not a verdict you hand down on their behalf.
Jesus didn’t say what was being done to Him was right. He simply chose not to let it define His response. He chose the Father over His pain.
How Do You Actually Start to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
Start by going back to that person who came to mind at the beginning. Maybe they knew exactly what they were doing. Maybe they didn’t. Either way, the path forward looks the same.
Consider these steps:
- Acknowledge the hurt honestly rather than minimizing it.
- Recognize that holding onto it is costing you more than releasing it will.
- Make a conscious choice to forgive, even if the feeling doesn’t come right away.
- Bring it before God and ask Him to help you follow through.
Forgiveness is often a process, not a single moment. But it starts with a decision.
Life Application
This week, take one concrete step toward forgiving the person who came to mind when you started reading this. You don’t have to reach out to them. You don’t have to have a conversation. But find a quiet moment, bring their name before God, and say out loud or in writing: “Father, I choose to forgive them.”
It may feel hollow at first. That’s okay. Keep choosing it. Forgiveness is less about a feeling and more about a direction you keep walking in.
Ask yourself these questions as you reflect:
- Who am I still holding unforgiveness toward, and how is that affecting my life right now?
- Am I focusing more on my pain than on the freedom God is offering me through forgiveness?
- What would it look like to follow Jesus’ example and choose grace, even when it feels impossible?
Jesus said “Father, forgive them” from a cross. If He could extend that kind of grace in that moment, He can help you extend it too. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start.